Safe in the Storm

The winds of suffering began blowing hard in my life in Sept. 2009. 

 I'm talking a STORM of life!

One of my worst fears became reality.

  

We had recently moved to Clayton, NC that spring and after a summer of adjusting to our new surroundings, I was planning that the fall would bring some calmness and order to our lives.  My husband Willie was settling into a new job, our 5 y.o. Lydia was starting kindergarten, 4 y.o. Luke was starting preschool, and baby Sam was 1 and getting into everything!  On Lydia's first day of school she came home and her right eye was turning inward.  Weird. No other symptoms, just an eye crossing.  We watched her all weekend and it didn't seem to get any better.  Being a nurse and having a medical background, I was thinking this could possibly be strabismus.  So, the following Tuesday we went to see a pediatric ophthalmologist who on exam decided she needed to be seen by a neurologist.  The next day we saw the neurologist and she ordered an MRI.  By Friday night my precious firstborn was sedated and lying inside an MRI scan … a place I never thought I would see her.  I held her foot as the machine clanged and banged and she slept peacefully.    About 25 minutes into the scan there was a short break and the neurologist peeped in to see if I was OK and let me know it wouldn't be much longer.   I responded I was fine and asked if everything was looking good.  I could read on her face that she was concerned.  She called me out of the MRI room and had someone go and get Willie from the waiting area.  She proceeded to give us devastating news that our Lydia had a mass in her brainstem and it didn't look good.

First MRI ~ 9-11-09, tumor circled in light brown

 Of course we questioned her about possible treatment options and getting that THING out of her head.  Apparently the tumor was located in the worst possible place.  Such a deep, delicate area that was too risky to even get a biopsy to properly identify this tumor.  To this day we still don't know if the thing is cancerous or not!  Here I was, thinking...

  I have now suddenly become the mother of a terminally ill child?  

My heart cried out "Abba, Father" and my mouth echoed 

"My Father, you have to give me strength and grace ~ I can't do this on my own!"   

Even though our lives had just been turned upside down, 

     God WAS STILL in control.  

           NOTHING takes Him by surprise and 

                 

                   He promises to ALWAYS be with us.

  

 

 Lydia went on to receive 31 radiation  treatments  to help shrink the tumor and give us more quality time with her.

So many folks have rallied around us and truly exemplified God's love being poured out on us in abundance. Prayers, words of encouragement, baby sitting, grocery shopping, house keeping, grass cutting, visits, hugs, calls, fund raising and on and on... 

This is how God's love is lived out through His people.  

We are forever grateful and will always remember the many ways many people have showered us with love.


The docs at Duke "guess"timated we would have a median time frame of 9 months left with her.

The radiation did shrink the tumor.  

It's been 18 months since her diagnosis.  

Subsequent MRIs have shown the tumor to be stable, not growing.  

I am so grateful to God that she lives a "normal" 7 y.o. life!

 Every day IS such a gift.  Time ever more precious.  

Focusing on Him ...of upmost priority.  

I live with the reality that life is ever so fragile.  (But isn't it for all of us?) We now have MRIs done every 3-4 months to monitor what it is doing. Lydia has no fear of getting the MRIs, just getting the IV placed before each scan concerns her. 

I truly covet and appreciate each prayer lifted on her behalf.  

As her mother, I have to constantly keep my mind focused on God and His sovereign control over all things ~namely this tumor~ or instead my mind will by default begin playing over and over again the "what ifs" and fears of the unknown future.  This trial has taught me so much about God, His love, and indescribable peace and joy that can only come from an intimate, personal relationship with Him.  I would have never planned this journey we are walking, but at the same time, I would not want to sacrifice the valuable lessons I've learned.  My faith and love for Him have only grown stronger and deeper.

But WHY?  Why does God allow such things as this to happen?

The Bible is His love letter and guide for us ~ it holds answers to difficult questions.

Romans 8:28 promises that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. 

So what's "good about a tumor in my child's head"?

So what's the purpose of this suffering?

Suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope.  (Romans 5:3-4)

Character is something we all need, so how do we get it? 

 The Bible says that through suffering and by enduring hardship, character is produced.  We must develop Christ's character.  Character is a direct result of suffering.  

It is during times of great darkness, such as Christ dying on that horrific cross, that something beautiful is birthed...

 Hope.  

Hope in future fulfillment that all things will be worked out for good!  

There is a direct link between our earthly realties and our future inheritance in Christ.

(borrowed from "By His Wounds You are Healed" by Wendy Alsup)  

You see, God is preparing a place for me, but He is also preparing ME for that place!  He prepares me by having me go through "dark times".   

Romans 8:16-17 says that "the Spirit himself  bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him".  Therefore, if I am an heir to the King, then I'm a princess ~ if you will.  What sort of princess would I be if I lived a life of ease…I'd be a spoiled rotten mess!  Do you really think He wants to give His kingdom to a bunch of self-centered, spoiled rotten heirs who lack character?  He wants heirs with character to reign with Him!

 God promises in the book of James that we will, not if, but WE WILL experience trials

      ...trials that have purpose. 

Trials we are to endure to make us like Christ and result in true HOPE.

We do well to consider these times, these temporary circumstances, as light and momentary compared to the weight of eternal glory. True hope...the hope of uniting the "all encompassing horrific things of this world" with the eternal good He promises.  He desires for us to have a heart for ETERNITY, not on things of this world.  

Focus on Him. 

 Desire Him above all things. 

 Everything else will fade away but 

He remains forever.

  Don't cling to this vapor of a life , 

but yearn for the hope of eternity!

 This is how I've found thankfulness for such a difficult season. 

 I know and cling to His promises that He has purpose in pain 
and 
great glory to be revealed!