As Luke sat at the table, eating his standard order of grits for breakfast, he asked me this question:
"Mommy, don't you wish you could start your life all over again?"
I needed some clarification to this loaded question.
I knew there was more.
"Why do you think I'd want to do that Luke?"
"So you could see Lydia again."
"Would you start your life all over again if you could, Luke?"
"Yes, I miss her."
"Is there something that's made you miss her?"
"Seeing her things." He explains... "her snow boots, dolls, play food, a letter she wrote, her slippers".
Seeing her things,
seeing pictures of her,
talking about her ~
reminiscing...
It brings sadness.
It also brings joy.
It also brings joy.
Joy mingled with sorrow.
The two are inseparable when reflecting
on our time with her.
on our time with her.
I pulled out some books she had written and encouraged him to read them whenever he wanted to remember her. I also showed him some pictures from a small album she had compiled from her Disney "Make A Wish" trip from 2 years ago. He asked to hold the album ~ to be the driver of this collection of flashbacks.
It was precious to watch my man-child sit there with his sweet belly full of grits and remember through his eyes. He was opening his heart, and bearing the weight of hurt and happy in this moment. I gave him the small album to keep. He tucked away the sweet bundle of images of him and his sister in his bunk bed.
Treasuring the memories.
Treasuring his sister.
Lydia and Luke were born 18 months apart. From day one she loved him. He was her baby, she was his momma-sister. Luke was too heavy for her to lift, but she relished every opportunity to simply sit and hold him. We would often spread a blanket on the floor for Luke to play on.... our sweet momma-toddler would grab hold of the blanket edge and pull him to different locales. Often I'd leave him in one room and find him in another. She had stuff to show him. Stuff to teach him.
One of my favorite last memories was of her luring Luke and Sam into her room to have Bible study.
The lessons she taught still linger.
Lessons she taught them.
Lessons she taught me.
Later Luke and I were "schooling" and in his deep, husky 6 year old voice he again opens his heart and words spill from his mouth...
"I wish we were all in Heaven today."
"That would be nice. Seems like you really miss Lydia today and want to see her."
"Yea. But mostly I want to see God. I wish we could go to Heaven whenever we want."
Thankful God is using this time, this trial, to do a work in my boy's heart.
"Out of the abundance of the heart
his mouth speaks."
Luke 6: latter part of verse 45
I pray our savior will come soon...we continue to pray for you and your sweet family. Love you all, Kathy
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet loving family she was so blessed to have as well as you her....thanks for sharing....you are all such a blessing to many who are hurting...seeing your strength and your love for each other and God....Deb
ReplyDeleteSo thankful for the assurance we have in the Lord God our savior. Your words and spirit are such a blessing. You remain in my prayers and as always have a special place in my heart..Love, Cindy
ReplyDeleteStacey - Thank you so much for continuing to share your journey with us. We are all still learning from Lydia, and from you! I've just said a special prayer for Luke, and for Sam.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine his grief. The ways those thoughts of Lydia and her things came out of him. Your words have really brought his feelings to life (and placed an immovable lump in my throat and tears down my face).
ReplyDeleteThe Lord is so blessed by your faithfulness. What a wonderful, loving, and compassionate mother you are to your two boys.
On a side note, you are quite the shutterbug.
Her seeds bringing forth good fruit. Thank you for sharing. <3...really
ReplyDeleteLittle Luke has always had a special place in my heart. . .maybe because I see that same kind of love between Claire and Cade and it hurts my heart for him. With my eyes full of tears and grief, know that we are praying for each one of you.
ReplyDeleteWe are doing the Advent Jesse Tree Devotion by Ann Voskamp this year. Last night, we talked some about heaven. My children were trying to imagine what a Chrismtas tree in heaven might look like. We all concluded that Lydia must be making all kinds of beautiful ornaments :)
Never far from my thoughts. .. love you.
Beautiful, honest words from a boy with a great big heart after God's.... and one that his big sister helped show him the meaning of the greatest love story ever told! Still so thankful for the lessons you all are learning through this trial.. thankful that you continue to share with us! xoxo
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing - a beautiful portrait of life - the good and the difficult - and a faith that God brings victory through it all...
ReplyDeleteI am a new follower. First day I found your blog I read every post. Your daughter has an amazing testimony! Your entire has an amazing testimony! God is very evident in your life. He is what gives you the strength to get through each day! He is the one giving you the strength to continue blogging.I thank you for continue! Lydia's testimony has challenged me so much. She was so ready to go to heaven. Are we ready? such a convicting question! You and your husband are absolutely incredible! I am sure Lydia is rejoicing in Heaven right now! I am praying for you and your wonderful family each day! Thank you so much for sharing this about Luke!
ReplyDeleteAmazing! I can not even imagine the loss/emptiness you all feel. She was a brave little girl who lived a long and happy life during her time here....and now Luke has become that brave little boy and I love he keeps her in his heart and keeps her memory alive even if it hurts. You will always have the memories and photos... but remind him She will ALWAYS be right there with him and she can hear him.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt she loved you both and both her brothers with all her heart! It is good to feel loved and feel special. Thank you for sharing this amazing story!
Luke and Sam are such amazing little boys! I can't imagine the way they feel without their big sister there to take care of them.. Stacey you have one amazing family. I pray for you all often. I wait for the next amazing story that you will share with us. Lydia has touched so many hearts with her story. Praying for better days for all of the family.
ReplyDeleteOnce again I was reminded today as I read your words how unfathomable God's love is for us and a desire was sparked in my heart to draw closer and a prayer came to my heart, I just want Jesus, and I thank for continuing to share His love.
ReplyDeletealways on my mind...prayers to you and your sweet family
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful you are continuing to share words from your heart, Luke's heart, and Lydia's heart. I am still grieving from losing an adult child seven years ago. You help me look into Heaven!
ReplyDeleteI continue to be amazed and inspired by your words...so eloquent, so perfectly placed, so beautifully written. Thank you for taking us all into your nest and letting us walk the path with you as you grieve. Knowing that Lydia is continuing to draw everyone closer to God just makes my heart smile, as Luke is longing to have a "visit" to Heaven. My heart aches for Luke as he has lost an intricate and very important part of his world. May he find peace and comfort in the coming days through God's word and by your own example. I will pray specifically for Luke to always be able to cherish his memories of his sweet sister and for his broken heart to feel better. Sending many warm thoughts, hugs, and prayers straight from the Briley Bunch to the Byrd's nest. <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteI lost my brother 2 years ago and it had been the most difficult thing I have ever been through. A minister I was seeing for grief counseling told me he believed the bond my brother & I had would never be broken. And so it seems to be with Luke & Lydia. What a beautiful day it will be when we can see our brothers and sisters again in heaven!
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